I watched Luke with steady eyes, waiting for some kind of motion that would let me know after fifteen years he was still in his body somewhere. For fifteen years I stayed with Luke, watching, waiting, while he sat in his chair and did nothing. By now I hardly recognized him. He didn’t look like the strong man I knew when I was alive, he looked like a wizened corpse. How his beautiful skin turned shriveled, clinging to his skeleton, and how his stormy gray eyes turned glassy white I’d never understand even after watching it happen. He wasn’t sleeping, he wasn’t using blood—he should have been the same as I left him. Instead, from what I overheard from the coven, he was killing himself. Slowly, painfully killing himself.
The night of my death was an interesting situation to go through. I’d woken up in the air just above my body. The whole coven was assembled, every wolf was in the clearing, and they all sobbed for me. Just for me. I never knew I had so many friends. I watched from above while they cried, and the night cried with them. I remembered the exclamations about the moon, how it turned full and red when it had only been at a quarter and there was no eclipse; the light cold rain had turned heavy, thick warm drops falling to the earth like blood. Night has never been the same since then. Every night the moon is full, blood red, and it rains, those heavy warm drops, until the sky turns violet. I remembered Andrew looking at the moon, no look of surprise on his face, and saying: “Rowena was part of the night, she was queen here, and the night will mourn her passing. A land without a queen becomes unruly. I suspect until the night finds a new queen it will continue to cry for her.” Something about those words made my nonexistent stomach twist. It was almost too deep, almost too poetic, for Andrew to say.
After that fateful night Luke had other members of the coven take care of my body, help arrange a funeral, so he could go back to the house and sit. And sit, and sit, and sit. He never moved to tell my parents the awful news; he never went to my closed casket funeral (my parents seemed entirely too uncomfortable with Kent’s pack and Luke’s coven there, I wasn’t sure if they even knew half the creatures, or if they even cared strangers were mourning their daughter’s death). The only time he moved was to write a letter addressing his entire coven, otherwise he sat in his chair and stared at my picture or outside at night.
Annemarie and Jake had tried to help Luke. They constantly bothered him to eat, to get up and move, but he never answered them. Eventually they gave up. But Bex didn’t. It was obvious when she was around Luke that she could feel me; she was, after all, the psychic. She kept telling Luke how I wouldn’t want him to be sulking, to be wasting away, and how she could feel my spirit somewhere near him, worrying. He laughed at that, one hoarse cough.
“She made a promise,” his raspy voice said, “that she wouldn’t haunt me if she died.”
Bex gave up after that. She couldn’t handle his negative energy, my incorporeal body floating around. No one bothered Luke for ten years. He sat in his dark room doing nothing, and I with him.
Today surprised me, though. Today he called for Andrew and Jake. They came immediately and I got closer to Luke’s chair, trying to touch his skeletal hand. I went through him, and the chair, of course. I’d been trying to touch him for fifteen years. Still couldn’t do it.
“What’s wrong, Luke?” Andrew asked.
Luke shook his head slowly, his once gorgeous black hair as lifeless as his body. “Nothing, friends. Today is a wonderful day. Today I’ve made my decision.”
They waited in silence, holding their breath. I didn’t know what Luke was talking about and I’d been with him day and night for fifteen years. I didn’t know he was making a decision.
“Andrew, Jake, I want you to prepare a fire for me.”
They immediately protested. They knew where this was going. Luke held up a shaking hand to silence them.
“I cannot continue living this way,” Luke sighed. “I’ve decided I’m going to pass on and find Rowena. I promised her a forever, and just like her I never break my promises.”
“Who will rule us?” Jake asked quietly. “Will you leave us to fend for ourselves?”
“Of course not. You are my two oldest friends, my left and right hand. I’ve thought about sending you off to Arnold but he has a house full already, but he would understand, still . . . .” Luke took a deep breath that seemed to hurt him. “I’m passing the coven on to you, Andrew. I know you’ll take good care of everyone.”
“Luke I can’t,” Andrew whispered. “We can’t let you go like this.”
Luke raised his hand again. “As your master I am telling you this. As your master you are to respect my wishes. Now go. I’ll be down momentarily.”
They both left, heads down, and Luke relaxed further in his seat, sighing. I stood in front of his chair wishing he wouldn’t do this. I didn’t want him to die. I wanted him to keep living for me. What happened if he left and I was still here, still watching everyone? I reached out for his face but knew I couldn’t touch him. Don’t do this, I thought.
With great effort Luke pushed himself from the chair and stood on unsteady legs. He took a deep breath and opened his door, flinching at the brightness of the rest of the house. It was silent but I could hear Jake and Andrew getting a fire started out back. I followed Luke slowly down the stairs, into the living room where the rest of the coven sat with stone faces. The only one who showed her grief was Annemarie. She was trying to hold back her sobs but tears were already streaking her face in pink lines. Craig tried to console her.
“You’re not really doing this, are you?” Craig asked. He tried for a blank face and won; he tried for a blank voice and failed. It still shook and cracked.
“I must,” Luke sighed hoarsely. “After fifteen years of living without her I can’t go on another day.”
“How do you know you’ll find her?”
He smiled, worrying me because his cheeks and jaw looked like they would burst through his skin. “A king will always find his queen, no matter how long they’ve been apart.”
Anne slinked off the couch and carefully wrapped her arms around Luke, sobbing into his chest. “Don’t leave us. Please don’t leave.”
Luke touched her head, sifting her long blond hair through his bony fingers. “Don’t cry, little one, I’m not leaving you.” She looked up hopefully. He bent very slowly to hug her completely. “I’ll always be with you, I’ll always be watching you.”
“That’s not good enough,” she sniffled. “We need you here.”
“Anne,” Craig said softly. Luke looked up at the sound of his voice. “I understand where you’re coming from, Luke, I really do. Some get through it, but it’s never the same if you find someone else; their just a replacement for what you’ve lost. I’m not happy with it, but I respect your decision. I hope you find Rowena.”
Luke gave another smile and released Annemarie, slowly straightening back up. She still clung to him and cried. He patted her head before making her release him. “If you smile for me, little one, I’ll tell Rowena you said hello.”
“Tell her I love her and I miss her.”
“I will if you smile. I don’t want you to cry, Annemarie. Send me off with a smile, please.”
She gave him a halfhearted attempt, an attempt that turned her angel face into desperation. Despite being one hundred forty years old she reacted to these situations like the ten year old she would forever look like. She cried like this for me when she knew I was leaving. It made my eyes tear. I was on Anne’s side completely; I didn’t want Luke to disappear. People needed him, and I needed him to stay. I didn’t want to find out what happened when he died.
Everyone followed Luke out into the backyard, Craig helping him walk. He was already weak and it physically showed. There was a roaring bonfire going between Jake and Andrew, both motionless like only the real long undead could master. Luke stepped ahead of the coven, stopping just small inches away from the fire. I tried to cling to his arm but it was no good. I wanted to keep him out of that fire but I had no way to do so, unless tackled him away from it. They couldn’t, though; as their master he made this decision, as his servants they couldn’t deny him.
“Luke,” Andrew said, drawing the attention to his big frame. “As master of this coven, with sound mind, you have made the final decision to not only pass over but pass your coven on.”
Luke nodded. “As master of this coven, I have made my final decision. I will pass over through this flame, and with the coven as witness, I give them all to you, Andrew.”
Jake took a shaking deep breath of air; everyone else besides Annemarie did the same; she was still choking on her tears. With a final look around him, Luke closed those last few inches and let the flame engulf him. It roared up his body yet he made no sound; he accepted it with a smile. I tried screaming to him but suddenly he wasn’t there anymore. No one was.
I was standing in white nothingness. Everything was incredibly bright, so bright that I had to squint my eyes to know if I could see anything. The light didn’t hurt my eyes though, and I realized with a start that there was nothing around me. Nothing but myself. Looking down at myself I realized I was no long too pale or nearly see-through. My skin was the pale rose color it had been when I was alive. What happened when Luke stepped into that fire?
“Rowena,” a familiar voice called.
I turned too fast that I thought I would be dizzy, but I wasn’t. What made me dizzy was to see the pillar of black and white in front of me. He was okay. I couldn’t help the smile that spread my face and the tears that spilled over my cheeks.
“You found me,” I whispered.
Luke wrapped me in his arms, so tight, so warm, and so safe. I knew then that something was different about him. His skin was pale but it had a pink color to it like mine, like he was human. I looked into his eyes before he kissed me and saw not a stormy gray but a light very human-looking gray. His skin was so warm and smelled like only him—not that sickly sweet smell all undead carried with them. I pressed my hand to his neck while we kissed and found a beat under my fingers. I pulled away with a gasp.
“What happened to you?” I asked breathlessly.
“I don’t know and I don’t care,” he replied. “After so long of the undead life, I’m finally alive again. I’m not going to question it.”
I ran my fingers through his black hair and pulled him back to me for another kiss. I was laughing and crying and trying to kiss him all at once. He settled for kissing my forehead then leaning his forehead against mine, smiling. Clear tears, something unusual to see on his face, ran down his cheeks.
“You found me,” I whispered again. “I can’t believe you found me. I’ve waited for you for fifteen years.”
“I couldn’t live without you another day,” he whispered. “I tried to get past the pain, the loss, but I couldn’t. You’re too much a part of me to let go. I had to find you.”
I wiped his tears away with my thumbs and smiled at his surprised face when he realized there was no blood.
“Human. You are human.”
“Now I can give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of, my queen.”
Luke lifted me in his arms and twirled us around. I still couldn’t gain control of my tear ducts and cried right on his shirt. He whispered into my hair and kissed my head over and over of how much he loved me. I believed him. I could feel it. The beat of his heart was right under my ear, beating like a caged bird, but didn’t want to be set free unless mine was too.
“Come, my love, there’s much to do,” he said, taking my hand.
“Where are we going?” I asked as he pulled me beside him.
A golden light filtered through the white, shining brilliantly yet still not hurting my eyes. Luke smiled at the light and gripped my hand.
“To forever, Rowena.”
“Forever and ever,” I whispered as we went through the light.


The end